Stages of Grief
by brokenrussiancrawl
Summary: Jason is trying to deal with the lose of the girl he loves. He just cant get over the fact that she is dead.
1. Denial

**Fact about me, Brokenrussiancrawl:**

**For some unknown reason, I've been in a sad mood and I decided to write something that is sad also. I'm going to try and take you through stages on grief. **

**Denial **

"Jason, she's dead."

Jason stood there looking at Patrick Drake, the best doctor in General Hospital, not believing what he had just told him. It couldn't be true, she was just there, laughing and smiling like normal. She was always there, no matter what. And now Patrick was telling him that the woman that he is in love with, and has loved ever since he woke up from the coma so many years ago, was dead.

_Dead?_

_How could this happen?_

_Why?_

_Why her?_

Thoughts were spinning through his head and were making him almost choke form wanting to say them out loud. He just couldn't bring himself to say anything. Not at this moment.

He shook his head and stepped back, looking at Patrick with accusing eyes. Every thing around him started to blur and an ach in his chest began to grow. A stinging sensation built in his eyes, water blurring everything in his line of sight.

"I'm sorry, Jason, we did everything that we could, but she was just so sick. There was nothing that we could have done to help her. We just made it easier for her, you know taking away some of the pain."

Jason couldn't believe this.

_It was not happening._

'_There was nothing that we could have done to help her.' What the hell did that mean?_

_How could there be nothing?_

"We are actually surprised she lived this long. She was a very strong woman and for her to have made it this long was a shock to us all."

As he blinked a tear fell down his cheek. Shortly noticing, Carly was right next to him, giving him comfort that he didn't want. The only thing he did want was to be with the woman that everyone was claiming dead. The woman that was there every night when he got home, the one that always made him smile when everything was crashing down around him. She was his light, his better half. And now she's supposedly gone! All he wanted was for the beautiful woman to come out of the room giving him a smile, he wanted her to come up to him and give him a hug and kiss on his cheek, telling him that… she was ok and she'd be home soon.

"Jason… Are you okay?"

_Okay?_

_Am I okay?_

_I am not okay._

He wiped the tear away quickly and with hatred emotion he looked at Carly, shocked that she would ask that. Some man just told him that the woman that he had loved for almost all him life, well all his Jason Morgan's life, had just died and she wanted to know if he was okay. No, no he was not fucking ok. There was nothing ok with this situation. How could she even ask that? It made no sense to him.

He scoffed at her, "Oh yeah, never been better." He shrugged off her arm and began to walk away.

"Jason, where are you going?" Carly yelled from behind him. He didn't turn around, he couldn't turn around. His feet kept moving, picking up pace until he was at a run, trying to escape this nightmare. He didn't even wait for the damn elevator knowing that Sonny and everyone will be there waiting, waiting. He took the stairs, tripping and stumbling on his way down, trying to rid himself of the voices that said she was dead, she was not coming back, that he would never see her again. As he was running to his car he kept telling himself that he was dreaming, and that he would wake up for this dream at any second. He would find himself in their bed and he would wrap his strong arms around her and burry his face him her hair, taking in the smell of her.

_Flashback_

"_What is it that you want me to do with the shipment, Stone Cold?" Spinelli asked._

"_I want you to move it to this location." Jason handed him a peace of paper that had Sonny's hand writing all over it._

"_Can I ask why?"_

"_Sonny is afraid that some of the shipment is going to get stolen so he asked us to make it look as though we had just moved it a new location."_

"_Oh, I can do that." _

"_Good. I don't want to have to go and tell Sonny that you messed this up." Jason was trying so hard not to laugh at the younger man but was failing miserably. "Calm down, I was only joking."_

_It was a while later and Jason and Spinelli were going over paper work when he heard her moving around upstairs. He knew that she must be getting ready to leave but he had no idea where she was going; he thought today was her day off. She had come down the stairs smiling at him. He smiled back and went over to her. _

"_What are you doing today? Isn't it your day off?"_

"_Yeah, I just need to go into the hospital and check something, I should be back soon though." She gave him her award winning smile, "You won't even have a chance to miss me." _

"_Oh, I think I will." He smiled at her and leaned into give her a kiss. She kissed him back and smiled at him as she rested her forehead against his. "What time are you going to be back?" _

_She laughed, "I haven't even left yet and you are already counting my return? I could get used to that." She gave him a kiss; this one was different, deeper, more loving than the other ones. It was a good-bye kiss and this one felt like he would never get another. She left looking at him one last time before she shut the door. There it was; a look in her eyes that he hadn't seen in a long time. She was scared and Jason had no idea of what._

_End Flashback_

Once he was in his car he began to drive. No destination in mind; just drove. He felt like he wanted to cry. No he wanted to sob. But he couldn't let them fall. She wasn't dead. He kept telling himself this, over and over again. If he said it enough times then it will have to end up true. It had to be, there was no way that he she could be dead.

Jason was so lost in thought that he had no idea that he was sitting in his car and that it was stopped right by the docks. He got of the car and walked to the bench that they normally sit on when they are here.

As he sat there he just kept telling himself that this was some sick joke. That at any moment he would wake up, feel her beside him and forget all about this horrible dream that decided to flood his mind.

_This was a dream._

_This wasn't happening._

_She was fine._

_She wasn't dead._

_She just couldn't be._

Patrick and Carly were playing a game with him; some sick, twisted, demented game that was not funny. He just couldn't believe that she was gone form his life. He had just seen her this morning telling him that she felt a little off, but it's no big deal. She had smiled at him and given him a kiss leaving and that was it. He was sitting there at the desk going over paper work for Sonny and that was when he got the call. That she had been so sick that they had had to rush her into surgery and a few hours later of just sitting there in a waiting room waiting to see what the out come would be, and when he would get to take her home. But as the hours passed a feeling began to grow in the pit of his stomach and then Drake had come out of the elevator.

The entire time he was sitting there he had never even thought of the possibility that she would die. Patrick was supposedly a miracle worker and the one time Port Charles needed a miracle one wasn't given to them.

_It could not be happening._

_It's a nightmare._

_She was fine._

His phone rang and he looked at the number. It was Spinelli. He probably already herd, witch meant that sooner or later he would be getting a lot more calls. People giving him pity looks and say useless sorry's that wouldn't bring her back to him. I ignore the call, finding relief in the sudden silence.

At this moment he could escape and just consume all of his thoughts with _her. _The feelings he had were like nothing he had ever felt before. He felt sick, like he wanted to cry. But he didn't, he just sat there and became hollow.

Vaguely did he notice that someone sat next him on the bench. Not touching him but just sitting there giving him comfort by being there. Jason should have known that the guy would find him; it wouldn't take that much trying. He knew who it was, and he knew that the younger man that was sitting with him in silence was hurting in a way that was somewhat like his own.

"I'm sorry Stone Cold. She was a great person. I am deeply sorry for what happened." Spinelli whispered to him, hurt evident in his voice, with a mixture of shock and sorrow.

"She's not dead. She-she can't be." His voice broke. Twice.

Spinelli didn't know what to say or what to do, so he just nodded his head and said, "I know."

Jason watched Spinelli look at him and then turn his head back to the water, watching the moon gleam off of the water and the boats float around. Smelling the water and feeling the cool air breeze across his face. Jason felt himself become hollower; feeling as if him nothing emotionally could hurt him.

**I would love a review. **


	2. Anger

**Anger**

_*Crash*_

It felt good to throw stuff, to make it break and crumble into a million little pieces and falling aimlessly to the ground with soft and loud thuds here and there. It reminded him of his life and how everything that it once had been was not any more and that it was rapidly falling apart. He felt as though he could see it, the walls of his life just plummeting to the ground, never to be fixed again. It hurt, but the hurt quickly turned to anger when he saw and picture of _her_.

_She lied to us. _

_All of us. _

_And now she's gone and never coming back._

Jason picked up another object and threw it at the wall.

_*Crash*_

Jason continued to rip up everything that he could find that reminded him of her that had so many memories. He didn't care that he would probably have to burn the whole apartment down, he would do just that if it ment that he would get rid of her and be free of it all, all the pain and anger. He wanted to feel nothing, feel that numbness he once had, but all he felt was anger. An uncontroled need to break stuff and watch it fall apart, just like himself.

Taking a deep breath he tried to calm his nerves but it didn't work. He picked up the closest thing to him and threw it at the wall with all the strength that he could muster, not seeing that he had almost taken off Spinelli's head with the vase.

"Stone cold!" Spinelli shouted, trying to get his friend to notice him.

It didn't work. Jason turned around and was about o rip up all the couch cushions but Spinelli got there first.

"Jason! You need to stop." This time he got his attention.

"Spinelli? When did you get home?" Jason asked, breathing heavily.

"I've been up stairs, hiding, form the terror that you had just rained upon our home." Spinelli looked around as did Jason and noticed that almost the entire room was turned upside down and was torn to bits. He gulped and looked at Jason. "Why?"

Jason blinked, feeling mixed emotions. How could he explain how alone he felt? How much he wanted to hate her? How he wanted to pretend that she was never there, never in his life? It was hard to form words.

_He was alone._

_Abandoned__._

_Deserted__._

"She didn't even tell me! She just went on as if there was nothing wrong with her. What the hell? I mean, she could have told me, I wouldn't have been upset or anything, I would have been there for her." Jason stops to pick up a bowl off the table and threw it at the wall. It shattered, pieces of glass flying everywhere. Spinelli cringed away from the specks coming at him and walked closer to the kitchen. "She should have told me!"

With that Jason went right back to throwing things. He didn't know how long this went on for but when he was done he noticed the Spinelli didn't try to stop him or yell at him for making worse of the mess he made. Instead he found that he had left him here to face his anger and 'rein terror' on the apartment all he wanted.

He had to get out of here. He had to get away now before he destroyed the pent house to beyond repair. Walking to the door he grabbed his leather jacket off the chair and went to the elevator, knowing that the stairs might be to dangerous for him right now.

When the elevator came he got on, rode it down in silence thing of nothing. Making sure that the entire time he didn't think about her laugh. Or the smiles that they shared the kisses that had been exchanged in this very elevator over what seemed so long ago. Anger began to rise again and once the doors opened he bound out of them, ran out side the building and jumped into his car that faintly smelled like her.

_He needed to get away._

_He needed release._

_Some place where he could let loose._

With that he drove to Jake's. He knew that Spinelli was following him, making sure that he didn't do anything stupid. Jason almost laughed.

When he got to the bar he didn't remember the drive he just remembered focusing on anything that wouldn't remind him of her. He got out of the car and hear Spinelli behind him.

"Stone Cold, this is a very bad idea! You should be doing this!"

Jason looked at him for a second and then snapped, "What do you want me to do? Go back to the apartment, to the place where all I see is her? Go to sleep tonight in the bed we once shared and not dream about her? Yeah I don't think so." With that Jason turned and walked into the bar, sealing his doom.

"What can I get for you tonight, man?" Colman asked from behind the bar.

Jason didn't look at Spinelli, he just sat down looked at the owner of the bar and said in a voice that was never questioned, "Whisky, strongest you've got."

With a nod of his head he began making Jason him drink. Once placed in front of him he picked it up and downed it, making a face as the warm liquid burned his throat, numbing it a little bit.

Looking up he saw Colman giving him a weird look but shrugged it off, "Keep 'em coming."

_Not a good idea._

_Very bad idea._

_He shouldn't be doing this._

But he did, he threw one shot back then another, and another until Spinelli and … Johnny? ... Were both carrying him out of the bar, trying to get him into the car. After that everything went blank. And he was numb again; not feeling anything, he was peaceful.

**I was having a really hard time with this chapter. I have no idea how Jason would have reacted and I hope I didn't completely blow this chapter to hell.**

**Review, because you want to tell me what you thought of this chapter? Yay, nay?**


	3. Carly

Carly

_What the hell is taking so long!_

_I know they are home._

_Just answer the door!_

"Come on Jason, open the door!" Carly had been pounding on the pent house door for about five minutes now and neither Spinelli nor Jason had opened the door yet. She knew they were both home. Both cars were there and the door man said that Jason and Spinelli came in late last night.

From the description that he gave he said that Jason looked as though he had had one too many and for a moment Carly just stared at him in complete and utter shock.

That wasn't like Jason to come home late, _drunk_. It wasn't like him to just shut himself off to everyone but Spinelli. She needed to see her best friend, make sure that he was okay and if not then help him get over the death as soon as possible. It was her duty as the best friend to cheer him up and make him realize that there are other reasons out there for living. Such as her, Michael, and Sonny, the list could go on for days.

"Spinelli are you home? I need to talk to Jason." Again nothing happened, no sound on the other side.

She tried the door knob again and it was still locked. She was getting annoyed; she opened her purse and looked for the spare key that she had made when she once lived here a long time ago. She never got rid of it just in case she needed it. Carly was guessing that it was good thing that she had kept it all these years. Sticking the key into the lock and turning it she opened the door.

"Here we go." She said as she flipped her hair back over her shoulder.

What she got when she opened the door was the most shocking thing that she had seen in a long time. Nothing could have prepared her for this.

_Oh My God! _

_What the hell happened!_

_I can't believe this._

As Carly walked into the apartment she saw the biggest mess she had ever seen in her entire life; the couch was flipped over and the cushions were ripped apart, stuffing everywhere. Glass was all over the floor and the coffee table was on the other side of the room.

Nothing was in its proper place anymore, it was destroyed. She gave the room one last look as she went up stairs to see what else had been done to the apartment. Clary moved slowly afraid to take one wrong step. It was about a minute later when she reached to top of the stairs and continued her cautious walk to Jason's room. The door was opened a crack.

This was where she paused. To go in or not to go in that was the question. If she went in there would be no turning back, there would be no escaping what was going to happen next. She shook her head and reminded herself that it was her role as best friend to go in and be there for him. Make him see reason. But then there was the other part of her that was a little nervous about what would happen. She had never seen Jason like this before. Well she hadn't seen Jason in a long time and that was not like the Jason she knew. She missed her best friend, the guy who could kill someone without even batting an eye. She missed talking to him and hanging out with him, even though they hadn't done that in a long time because of the very reason he is like this.

But she couldn't just leave him like this and not even try to help. Taking a deep breath she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, making a move to the door.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you." Scared shitless, Carly whipped around and looked for the voice.

"How long have you been there?" She asked when she saw Spinelli right behind her.

The only answer she got was a shrug of the shoulders.

Taking another breath she ran her hand threw her hair and looked around, the upstairs wasn't much different form the downstairs, just less things were broken. "What happened, Spinelli?"

"Stone Cold lost it. He-he was upset and couldn't find… consoling?... in just sitting around, so he decided to rein terror on the living area down stairs and following him in his wake is a trail of doom and destruction."

"I can see that, but what I don't get is why? I mean there is no reason for him to be this upset."

"Does the Valkyrie not understand that the woman that Stone Cold has loved all him life is dead and is not coming back? That right now he doesn't feel as though he has a reason for living and that he needs to take the anger out?" Spinelli practically spit at her.

Carly was shocked to say the least. Spinelli had never taken that tone with her before and she didn't like it. "Its not he end of the world. People die all the time and they move on. Maybe it was for the better."

"How can you stand there and say that. The Fair Doctor hasn't even been in the ground yet and you-you are already slandering her name. Why are you always so spiteful when it comes to her?"

Carly was pissed, "She gets everything. From the man I love to the job that was rightfully mine. She gets respect wherever she goes and I-I get left in the dirt when compared to her. When ever Miss Perfect is around it's like I'm forgotten. Not just with Jason but with Sonny and Jax. What about Lulu and Maxie. Everyone likes her and I just don't get it. She's not that pretty, she will never be able to sleep with a man without the fear of killing him and look what happened, she _died_ of her HIV. What if that were Jason?"

"What the hell did you just say?"

_Oh no! _

_This is not good._

_This couldn't get any worse._

"Jason, I had no idea that you were listening. I…I didn't mean anything that I just said."

"No, Carly, you did and you know what, its fine, whatever, now get out of my house." Jason didn't wait for a response from her before grabbing her left hand and ripping the keys out of her fingers. Carly stared at him for what seemed to be forever before she moved a step closer to him.

She cleared her throat, "Jason, I know that you are going threw a really hard time right now." She didn't get to finish.

"I said get out!" This time Jason was mad, his voice was loud and his body was shaking. He towered over her and she could see Spinelli behind her moving to stand by Jason like the ever loyal lap dog that he was. "Are you happy, Carly? She's gone now you get me all to yourself. What are you gonna do first: Jump for joy, shout hooray, throw a party to celebrate? Which one are you going to do first Carly?"

Jason grabbed her by her elbow and began to brag her down the hall and to the stairs. She was tripping as she tried to keep up with him, so as not to lose her balance. "Let go! You're hurting me." Carly tried to wiggle her arm free of him but his grip tightened and she was shoved to the door.

"LEAVE! NOW!" Jason boomed; his voice made Carly cringe. She hadn't meant to upset him, she was there to cheer him up, but as she looked at him: his chest heaving, his eyes narrowed, hands balled into fists, it was the first time that she had ever truly been afraid of Jason Morgan.

"You need me." She cried desperately. She went for his hand one more time but his hand shot out and shoved her back with a push that knocked her over. She looked up at him, from the floor.

Jason just stood there, leaning over her, glaring at her. His face turned to a look of disgust and for a second she thought it was for his behavior, but as he looked at her, sprawled out on the floor by the door she knew he was looking at _her_ that way. He turned around and muttered something about needing a drink before he headed upstairs.

Spinelli was at the bottom of the stares and when Carly moved her gaze form Jason's retreating back she looked at him with shocked eyes. The only thing that Spinelli did was shrug and say, "Told you." Before he moved up the stairs, following in Jason's foot steps.


	4. Fear

**Okay, I know it has been a long time since I last updated, but you know schools back in progress and I've had a lot of work to do. But I hope that you forgive me and let me know what you think of the chapter.**

Fear

"Robin Soltini Scorpio

1977 - 2012

Our beloved angel with a heart of gold."

That's what it said, the gravestone that is. It was simple and elegant. Nothing too big or fancy, it was just right for her: sensible.

_Just like her._

_Nothing to overbearing._

_Perfect._

It was a cloudy day out perfect for how Jason was feeling at this moment, people thought that it might rain but Jason was sure that it was going to. That was quiet, nobody talking too loud or moving too fast afraid of what Jason's reaction might be.

Everyone that he and Robin had ever met was there: Liz and Lucky were the first two to show up, even though they came separate. Nik and Emily soon followed and when his sister saw him, she immediately came up and gave him a hug. Over her shoulder he saw Luke and Tracy walk in, Luke and Jason nodded at each other and then they took their seats. Patrick was there in the back trying not to stick out, Mac and Alexis and her two daughters, Kristina and Molly, gave them there sympathy. Sam was there too, she sat off to the side away from everyone. Next was Sonny with Max and Milo in toe. Brenda had flown in for today and tomorrow. Michael was there with Dante and Lulu. Johnny had come with Olivia, Ethan following behind walking with Monica and Edward.

Everyone knew about him lashing out at Carly the night that she came over and yet she still came, determined to show him something, anything that might help him see that she was there for him. Jason didn't want to see her, didn't want her to be here so that she could gloat about Robin finally being gone. He could just picture her saying 'I told you so' to him when they were alone.

_I hate her._

_Stupid bitch!_

_I wish she would just go away._

But the one thing that he was grateful for was that Robin's parents, Anna and Robert, were here for it. He knew Robin would have loved for them to have been back in Port Charles, just not under these circumstances. No she would have wanted them to be there laughing and making jokes. Smiling and talking, not sitting in the front row with him crying-in Anna's case, sobbing-as the minister stood before them.

As the minister began to talk all Jason could think about was that after today he would be all alone, with the exception of Spinelli. He felt all the anger that he had towards her disappear as soon as her looked at the coffin that was about to go into the ground.

There was an annoying stinging right behind his eyes but Jason just ignored it. as the Priest continued to talk about what a wonderful person she was and how much everyone will miss her but will always have her in our hearts Jason was consumed with longing: to hold her, to kiss her, to smell her flowery shampoo late at night, curled on the sofa, the longing for her to tell him a stupid joke that she found hilarious and had to share it with him. He wished that he wasn't sitting here listening to this man that never met her talk about her as if she were no longer apart of this world.

_I'm alone._

_She's never coming back._

_How is this happening?_

"Jason would you like to say a few words?"

Everyone looked at him as he stood up and walked slowly to the head of the coffin. It was closed; he couldn't bear the thought of looking at her and seeing her like that: dead.

He cleared his throat and looked around, there faces started to get blurry as he took a deep breath and began:

"Robin was everything I could have asked for in a woman. She was funny, smart, good looking. She had this way of understanding everything that I did even the bad things. But no matter what I did she would always forgive me. Robin was loyal and she was courageous. She never backed down from a fight and when she was sick." Jason faltered for a moment, not really paying attention to the tears that were falling from his eyes. "When she was sick she didn't tell anyone because she saw it as her fight.

"I'll always lover Robin. She was the one good thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Ever since I woke up from that coma so many moons ago I knew she would be there for me, no matter what. I was the boy without a past and she was the girl without a future and yet she made it this long." Jason smiled a little as he was pulled into a memory, "She was always on the bridge. I remember the first time I saw her there; it was March and she was talking to Stone, holding a teddy-bear. She just looked so lost and alone, I really didn't want to leave her alone but I knew she probably wanted her privacy. But she heard me and told me that I could stay if I wanted to. She told me her name and she then confessed that she had had a crush on me when she was thirteen." He chuckled to himself a little still in the memory, "I was so pleased when she told me that I never did anything with her, when she asked me why I said 'Because this is the first thing I've heard that Jason Quartermaine didn't do right.'"

_**Flashback**_

"_Did I just say something dumb, or out of line right now?" Jason asked almost hesitantly._

_"No," Robin said in exasperation, "It was a really nice complement." She smiled a little when she said that._

_"Good. Cause a lot of time I put my foot in my mouth with out thinking and you have this look on your face I can't exactly read."_

_"I was pleased." She said after a moment, "I was just a little embarrassed I guess."_

_"Why," Jason wanted to know. What did she have to be embarrassed about?_

_"Well, you were telling me that you made a big mistake by not taking advantage of the crush I had on you. Did you really mean it?" Robin looked up at him, into his eyes and he saw the hope that she had in her eyes, she wanted him to be telling her the truth._

"_Sure. Why else would I say it?"_

_Robin shrugged a little, "People say things all the time that they don't really mean."_

"_People do things a lot that I don't get." After a long pause Jason asked, "How long has it been since I saw you at the hospital?"_

"_I don't know a couple of months." She looked as though she didn't really care, of was it that she really didn't know? Jason didn't have a clue._

_"Whew, It could have been yesterday. It's weird I have no sense of time. But that's another thing that seems so important to everybody." Jason's voice turned sarcastic, "I'll bet Jason was always on time."_

_Robin laughed a little bit at that. Jason liked the sound of it; it was almost as if it were music to his ears. "I'll bet he was too."_

_"You know I've been listening to the Quartermaines, and compared to St. Jason, I'm the devil or something."_

"_You don't really believe that!" Robin looked shocked that he would think such a thing._

"_Well, then tell me about his faults and I'll change my mind. Now think hard there has to be something that he did wrong. Flunk a test. Not do his homework."_

_Robin thought for a moment, "Ok," she said after a long period of time, "I though of something. One time he grew his hair out and it looked really, REALLY bad."  
_

_In disbelief Jason said, "__That's it, I'm desperate to nail this guy and all you can tell me is he had a bad hair day?"_

_Robin smiled at him "At least it's a start. Anyway I like your hair much better. It's different."_

"_Now there's something you don't do that practically everybody else does." Jason smiled at her softly._

"_What?" When she said this she tilted her head to the side and looked up at him._

"_Act like you're missing him when you're talking to me."_

_Again she smiled at him. "You're a different person. Believe me; Jason would never have accosted a strange woman on a bridge in the middle of the night."_

_"Except you're not a stranger."_

"_You didn't know that." Robin said, looking him in the eyes. Jason looked back._

"_I do now."_

_Robin __smiled and extended her hand "__It's very nice to meet you."_

"_It's nice to meet you too." He said as he shook her hand smiling back._

_**End Flashback**_

Jason was crying and everyone seemed to be looking at him with the same expression: shock.

_What do I do now?_

_How do I move on from this?_

_Where do I go from here?_

"What am I going to do with out her? How am I supposed to get up every morning and know that she won't be there with me? How am I supposed to go another day with out her in my life? She just left me. I feel so alone and I have no idea how to fix it: drinking? No good. Tearing my apartment to shreds? Did that, didn't work." Jason was sobbing now, "How can I live with out her?" it took Jason a long time to clam himself down, the whole place was silent, all her heard were the birds chirping and the wind blowing at the trees.

"Stone Cold?" Spinelli asked from right beside him, Jason turned him head to look at him, "Maybe we should go now. So you can calm down?" After a moment of them looking at each other Jason finally nodded his consent and let Spinelli steer him away from the graveyard.

"Thank you, everyone for coming. The Jackal and Stone Cold really appreciate you taking your time out and coming here to mourn the loss of our dearest friend Robin Scorpio and we hope that we will see around this lovely neighborhood some other time. Hopefully on an occasion that is less enervate."

_Why?_

_Why her"_

_Why did it have to be my Robin?_

**Well, what did you think? **

**Did it suck? I'm not really sure.**

**Let me know. ;)**


	5. Guilt

**Well, since everyone on the show is doing this whole memory/flashbacks thing I wanted to join it too, not only because I love them, but because I find it suits the story.**

**Guilt**

_This is all my fault!_

_I must have done something wrong!_

_She should have been able to trust me!_

Jason lay in his bed staring at the ceiling. He could still feel Robin all around him. She was everywhere he went; no matter what he did or who he was with or where he was she was with him and there was nothing that he could do about it. Sometimes he could even see her if he tried really hard to focus on her, and she would be there with her smiling face looking at him with her chocolate honey brown eyes, and her beautiful smiling face. He could smell the smooth vanilla in her hair that she was using; the Japanese Cherry Blossom perfume that he had gotten her for Christmas. Robin had loved it and used it everyday.

Jason was over being mad at her; he didn't have the heart.

He was over trying to drink her away; it wasn't working.

But most of all he was tiered of not seeing the truth: she was afraid to tell him that she was dying because he might have taken it the wrong way. Maybe he would have over reacted. No there was no maybe to it, he WOULD react badly to her becoming sick.

As Jason lay there trying to figure out why she couldn't tell him all he felt was guilt.

_I should have known._

_I should have seen this coming._

_I can't believe I didn't even see it._

Jason sighed and got up out of bed. Making his way to the door he opened it as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Spinelli. He scanned the hallway and saw that it was dark; moving quickly he made it down the stairs with no noise at all.

When he looked at the living-room he sighed; Spinelli and Maxie had spent hours the day before putting this room back to the way it once had been. All the furniture was the same; the photos that had been ruined were fixed; the vase he broke of Robins had been put back together and was in its proper place. The only new thing that was added to the room was a new picture on the mantelpiece; a picture on him, Robin, Maxie and Spinelli. They were sitting on the couch; she was conveniently in his lap because Spinelli was on the side of couch with them with Maxie.

He smiled a little when he remembered Lulu walking in and wondering what was taking Maxie so long to meet her outside to go to work. Maxie just shoved the camera at Lulu and told her to take the picture; which she did. So there it was; Maxie, with her feet on top of Spinelli's lap, looking happy, a goofy smile on Spinelli's face as he looked at the camera and Robin was in Jason's arms, looking at him and laughing at something he mumbled into her ear, something about not wanting to take a picture. And Jason he was smiling at her as well. He was tucking and piece of hair behind her eat and look at her like he imagined he always did; like she was an angel.

_She was beautiful._

_Looked like an angel._

_Now she is an angel._

Jason continued to look at it for a long time before he moved over to the sliding glass window. He slid it open and took a step on the balcony. The wind was a little nippy but he didn't mind, it felt good on his skin. He stuck him hands in his pockets, a looked out into the night.

As he stood there for a long moment, he tried to clear his head of everything that had happened. He took in a large breath of air and he was attacked by a memory:

_**Flashback:**_

"_What do you mean, "live"?" Jason asked as he looked into her eyes._

"_I mean I'm going to go on the protocol." Robin stated, "I'm going to take my pills, and I'm going to monitor myself and when I do I'll think of you and know it's worth it."_

"_I don't want you to do it for me," Jason said while shaking his head._

"Jason-" Robin began, but he cut her off.

"_Well, you're afraid of it, Robin. Do you think I want you scared?" He asked her, not really expecting an answer. "Hurting or miserable," Jason continued, "Because I want you to live and I think this is your best chance." He reached out his hand, "But if you don't believe in it, who cares what I think?"_

"_I do. I want to make you happy." Robin looked up at him with her big brown eyes and he almost melted; almost._

_Jason sighed, "Then I'm like everyone else. Mac, Felicia, Brenda, Stone, even Sonny. Robin, you come for these people, you go for these people, you study for these people, you bleed. And then you tell the whole world you're HIV positive and smile no matter how bad it feels because it's important to them. You don't have to do that for me. You don't have to do anything except let me love you."_

_"Do you want me to go on the protocol?" He looked away from her, "Jason, look at me please. Do you?" _

"_Yes." He said sheepishly._

_"So do I." She gave him a little smile, "Remember that night we were standing here and I asked you if you wanted to jump? I knew I would never do it but I thought you might. You were holding my hand." She looked down at their hands that were still joined and tightened her grip, "That night you chose life for both of us. That's what I'm doing now." She said with conviction._

"_I don't understand." _

_"Look, I can take pills for three years. I can take pills for my whole life if it means I get to spend it with you. But until tonight, it was like I could love you and then get to die and be with Stone." She paused for a second, seeming to gather her words, "You were the good thing I got before that happened. But now I know it could be years. It could be a lifetime before that happens, and that's what I want, a lifetime with you. Do you know how good it feels to finally be able to give you something?"_

_"But you've given me everything all along." Jason protested. He didn't understand what she was getting at._

"_Let me give you this too." Robin said as she stepped forward a little._

_"Thank you." Jason breathed, as he pulled her in for a hug. _

"_You're welcome." She snuggled into his warm embrace._

"_Am I late?" Came a voice that they both recognized: Sonny._

_"Hey!" Robin gave him a big hug, then looked at Jason, "You asked him to meet us here?"_

_"Yeah, he wanted to know what you decided."_

"_I want to help, sweetheart. I know I can't, but whatever you decide is fine." Sonny said for himself._

"_It's okay. I'm going to go on the protocol."_

_"Hey, come here." He gives her a tight hug, then to Jason: "Did you do this?"_

_"He just reminded me of what I already knew. I want to live, and this is my chance." She said with a shrug._

"_It's gonna work. You know that, right? You're gonna live."_

"_I know," she smiles at him._

_"All right. I didn't remember how quiet this place was." He said while looking around, "The night we scattered Stone's ashes, remember, there was no sound at all."_

_"Here?" Jason asked in surprise._

"_Yeah. Right-right there." He said pointing to a spot near by, "Standing here in the cold watching Stone's ashes fall felt like the end of everything." To Robin, "I looked up at you. You were so alive and when I started to think what could happen-You know how much I wanted you to take that medicine?"_

_"I'm sorry," Was all she could say._

_"No, what I'm trying to say is that I can't imagine living life without you. You're the last person I should love, but I do."_

_She smiled ruefully, "I remember when I used to think that you were a bad guy."_

_"Ahh... wait, I am a bad guy." He laughs a little. So does Robin._

"_Never." She teases._

_"No?" H__is cell phone rings._

_"No."_

_"Ooh... I'll bet you this is somebody wanting me to do something rotten." Sonny jokes. _

_She smiles, "Take it." _

_"Alright," Into__ phone,__ "What; Yeah. Be right there." He hangs up the phone turns __to Jason__ "Rochester. Don't worry, I'll handle it."_

_"You know, I can take the train back to school." She said taking a step back to prove her point._

_"Absolutely not." Sonny declared. "When do you take the medicine?"_

_"Tomorrow if I want."_

"_Good, good. Take her to the doctor; make sure that, you know, you find out about the medicine." He told Jason, "Call me with the cost, all right?"_

_"I'm paying for it."_

_"Wait—" Robin was so confused._

_"No, I'm paying for it." Sonny argued._

_"Wait, wait, wait." Robin said as she stepped up to them, "Did you guys talk to my Uncle Mac about this?"_

_"No, I'll take care of Uncle Mac."_

_She smiled, "Good luck. Please be careful."_

_"I will." He gave her a hug, looking at Jason he said with real meaning, "Hey, take care of her."_

_**End Flashback**_

Jason felt tears in his eyes as the memory ended. He closed them for a second, trying to get the tears to go away, but it was of no use: one slipped out. It was like ice slipping down his cheek and he just didn't feel like whipping it away. There was more to come that would follow that one, just as it followed the ones before it.

_It was my fault from the beginning._

_Maybe if I didn't force the issue._

_Maybe if I was there for her_.

**Who else misses Jason and Robin? **

**I do! ME, ME, ME!**

**And don't forget the Robin and Sonny moments.**

**Let me know if you liked, I just thought that the flashback was appropriate because this was the start of her meds; her LIFE with Jason and it would fit for him to think of this. Let me know if you agree.**

**Sonny is gonna be the next Chappy! **

**Drop a review… **


	6. Sonny

**Sonny**

_Why her?_

_Why now?_

_Why Robin?_

Sonny was sitting in his chair all alone in his living room. He usually does this when he is really upset. Ever since her had heard the news that Robin had died he had been on a schedule: Get up after a long night of either not sleeping or having nightmares, go down stairs and think of eating something, only to realize that what you are craving for reminds you in some way of Robin, and then loose your appetite all together. Pour yourself a drink, get comfortable in the chair and drink until you have either passed out, or you know longer feel any pain.

That has been what Sonny has been doing since he woke up at noon that day. He hadn't been sleeping to well and so he would be up into the wee hours of dawn thinking of memories that he had with Robin and the last time he had seen her. In doing this he would sleep until noon, or in some cases, later.

He was sad. He had never felt this sad, even when Stone died many years ago. Sonny had gotten over it with the knowledge that he still had a part of Stone here with him and: Robin. She was one of his lights in his dark and violent world. Robin was always there to give him the benefit of the doubt and cheer him up whenever he needed it. She was there to lend smiles and give hugs; give you the honest truth even if it hurts you. Now, with her gone, so was Stone.

Robin made life clearer for him in so many ways, she helped him and Jason both remember what it is like to love and care for people. To let people get close. If it hadn't been for Robin, he was sure Jason would be a walking talking robot right now. He was sure that if she had never met Jason, she would have been out of his life a long time ago. It hurt to think of something so outrageous as that could happen; hurt to think of all these years, all these memories that he had made with her after the death of her first love would be gone, would just vanish as if they had never even happened. He would be alone; Sonny would be the gangster that died a very unhappy and sad man. Just thinking of this life made he sick to his stomach, he could not fathom a life with out Robin Scorpio.

"This sucks." He mumbled as he brought his near empty glass to his mouth and downed the rest of the contents. He looked down at the glass in his hands and looked at it accusingly, as if it were the glasses fault for Robin having HIV and dying. As if it were the cups fault for not telling him she was sick. Anger consumed him and in a quick motion he was up out of the seat he had been sitting in for the past five hours, the glass hurling across the room.

Just as the Whiskey glass hit the wall, the door opened and in walked his girlfriend of ten months, Claire Walsh. She looked at the spot where to cup had hit and then looked down to see all the broken little shards of glass that was now littered all over the floor. Claire cleared her throat, trying to find something to say, but there was nothing to say.

Sonny took in a deep breath of air and sat down in his wallowing chair, wishing that he had another drink. The soft clatter of high heels made Sonny aware that Claire was coming towards him. She placed her hand on his shoulder and didn't say a word for a long time and that was when Sonny took note that the unshed tears he had been holding in were free-falling down his face. Sonny leaned his head into her and at once she wrapped her arms around him and just held him.

When he clamed down he still hadn't said anything; he had pulled Claire into his lap for him to hold her better but that was about it. She was silent throughout the whole thing, and for that he was grateful. After some time passed she spoke up hesitatingly, "What are you thinking about?"

Sonny made no move he just continued to stare at he doors to the patio. With a deep breath he said: "The first time Robin had publicly announced that she was HIV positive. We were at a nurse's ball and I had accompanied Brenda because Robin said that she wanted us both there. Of course I was going; it was in memory of Stone. So I get there and Robin is in this pretty little pink dress and she doesn't look to good. When Mac got on stage and gave Robin this blanket made in memory of Stone she gave a speech that to this day, I will never forget:

_**Flashback**_

_Everyone watched as Robin made her way up to the stage and took the blanket looking thing form Mac and took the microphone, she looked scared, nervous almost. Then she began to speak:_

"_Everybody in this room has one thing in common. AIDS has touched us- either through personal experience or out of conviction that stamping out this virus is a fight worth taking on. Two years ago" Robin looked up at the ceiling with an exasperated look then continued, "God, only two years ago...Two years ago, I found love, or it found me, I'm still not quite sure how that works. I fell in love with a beautiful, perfect boy. And over the course of those two years I watched a man wage a magnificent battle." She was quiet for a moment, as if trying to pull herself together and bee strong; once she regained her composer she looked at the crowed and began to speak again._

"_AIDS does that, it makes you grow up real quick. As the virus weakened him, and physically diminished him, and caused him unspeakable pain, and stole his eye sight." Robin was choked up and was fighting her tears, that were already falling, "He should have been here tonight. He should've had a long life ahead of him. Instead he had nineteen years, nineteen years. It's wrong- it's an abomination. We can't stand passively by while this virus takes our best and our brightest. As Jon Hanly say," taking a breath she corrected herself, "As Jon Hanly USED to say, 'AIDS is an illness cloaked in fear.' We thought half the battle could be won if we could overcome the fear of getting too close. And I believe that with all my heart."_

_Robin looked up into the audience as she pointed up at her face before saying, "Well, ladies and gentlemen, take a look. This is the face of HIV. It's not so horrible- is it? It's not so scary. I ask of you that every time you look into this face you'll remember," Sonny took note that Jason was making his way up the isle never taking his eyes off Robin, "that being HIV positive doesn't mean your life is over. Thanks to people like you, more and better research is being done all the time. Stone didn't live to see a cure, but God willing, I might." Robin was crying, getting hysterical, and no one knew how to react, they were to shocked, "I beg of you, please don't be afraid to get too close. Don't turn your back on us. There are people like me that need you. Like Stone. Like Baby Jeanetta. Like Jon Hanly. Don't make us invisible as well."_

_Sonny knew that everyone was watching her with the same shocked expression. They couldn't believe that this beautiful little girl had HIV. It just wasn't possible. The room was silent as Jason climbed up onto the stage and over to Robin, who by this time had completely broke down and was sobbing. Jason took one look around the room and saw only one option: he leaned down and swooped her up in one smooth motion into his arms and walked out of the Ball with her in his arms. Still everyone was quiet for a long moment. That was when Sonny excused himself to go and see if he could help her in any way._

_**End Flashback**_

"I'm sorry." Claire whispered into his ear.

Sonny didn't say anything. He just nodded and wished he had another drink. He pushed Claire off of his lap, so that she was now sitting on the arm of the chair, and got up to fetch himself another drink.

"Do you really need that?" She asked from behind him.

"Yes," Sonny grumbled as he downed the drink he had just poured himself.

"Sonny, this-this isn't solving anything." He didn't turn around. "Drink only makes things worse." Claire said sternly.

Sonny whipped around and looked at her in astonishment, "Its helping me."

"No it's not Sonny. The only thing it's doing is helping you put off the inevitable. One day you're going to have to deal with this. Robins dead, Sonny, there is nothing you can do about it, so now all you have to do is deal with it."

Sonny faced her, he looked so broken and beat down, Claire wanted nothing more than to comfort him and tell him everything is going to be okay. But she didn't dare move yet.

"I need this! Don't you understand?" Sonny was clutching the glass in his hand with a death grip. Claire looked down at and was sure that it would break at any second. "I don't want to face the fact that she is gone and I will never see her again. Robin was one of the best things that have ever happened to me and for you to think I will be able to 'deal with it' is not going to work." And the glass did break. It shattered in his hand with another strong squeeze from Sonny.

Claire was by his side in a second; there was blood coming form his hand, and the cuts didn't look good. He looked down at the wounds and just blinked. He didn't feel any pain. Claire led him over to the couch and made him sit down as she went into the kitchen.

Sonny was shocked. That had never happened to him before. He never told his real feelings like that. He would normally beat around the bush and wait until Carly, Jason, or Robin to come and talk to him. But that would never happen any more. Robin would never be the one to come and talk to him again. She would never be the one to make him feel better and get him to smile. Robin would never come in with a huge smile on her face and tell any more good news again.

_Robin was gone._

_Never coming back_

_Gone, forever._

When Claire walked into the living room again with everything she would need to clean his hand up, she was amazed at what it was that she saw, she saw him crying. He had his head him his hands, witch were leaning on his elbows, full on blubbering. She walked over to him and sat beside him. Sonny leaned into her lap and continued to cry. The blood dripping from his hand was now forgotten; she rubbed his back and said in a very soft and quiet voice that you could have missed it if you weren't paying attention:

"This is the first step, Sonny. It will be okay soon, I promise."


	7. Johnny

Johnny

_Man._

_That sucks._

_She was a great person._

Johnny stood staring out his apartment window at Jason's. He knew that Jason wasn't handling the whole death as good as he could.

He knew what it was like to loose someone that you loved and he was trying to be understanding to the situation. When Claudia died, he knew that it was coming, but with Jason, he didn't even have a heads up. There were many times where Spinelli had come over to his house asking for help in bringing Jason home form the bar. Johnny understood trying to swallow your sorrows in whisky and alcohol.

It hurt when you lost someone, and most people just expect you to bounce right back as if nothing had happened. Olivia expected him to bounce back and not attack Sonny for the wrong that he had done to his sister, but he couldn't. She was the only person whom has ever understood him fully. She was there for him in a heartbeat, back him up whenever he needed it. When she was dead everyone acted like it was nothing.

Except for Robin.

She had come to him and personally told him how sorry she was. She had let him cry on her shoulder and hugged him when he needed it most. When she first showed up he was confused as to why she had been there. He had told her over and over how sorry he was about the way that Claudia had treated her, but she just shook her head and smiled at him, saying that it was okay.

_**Flashback**_

"_Its okay," Robin said as she smiled up at him._

_Johnny moved to the couch and sat down with his whisky in hand. He looked at her for a moment, wondering what it was that she was doing here. He didn't have a problem with Robin; on the contrary, he liked her. She was an honest to God good person; she was always nice to him and offered him a smile when ever she saw him, sometimes she went as far as to give him a hug. The only reason he was a little confused as to why she was here, visiting him in his apartment, was because they weren't exactly best friends. I mean she was with Jason Morgan for crying out loud._

"_Listen, I'm here to say sorry." When Johnny gave her a weird look she cleared her throat and sat down on his chair, "Today is Claudia's one year anniversary." _

_John's eyes got really big as he looked at her. 'How did she remember!' he thought to himself. He looked away from her closing his eyes. He felt her move and sit nest to him, she placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a squeeze._

"_I just wanted to see if you were okay. Is there any thing I could do for you?" Johnny looked away from her and shook his head. There was nothing that would make the pain go away. "Sometimes its better when you talk about it. I mean look at Sonny and Jason, they keep everything bottled up and then they explode." She smiled at him when he turned his again to look at her._

"_What is there to say? My sister, my only family is dead and I couldn't save her in time." John shrugged like it was nothing but it was something to him and by the look on Robins face she knew it to._

"_What was she like?"_

_Johnny sighed as he leaned back into the couch. He rubbed the back of his head and closed his eyes, "She was always my best friend. Rarely did we do anything that the other didn't know about. She defended me and was always there by my side. Claudia taught me a lot of things: to read and write. Shoot a gun, and always choose family first." Johnny shook his head again, "In the end I chose Olivia over my sister and I wasn't there for her. Claudia died because I wasn't there to protect her. It should have been me. I was the one that should have died and not my sister."_

"_That's not true and you know it," the look on Robins face was stern and fierce. "Claudia died because of her mistake and I think its better that you didn't reach her in time, you would have probably gone down with her that night. Or you would have done something worse and gotten yourself killed while she escaped; do you know what that would have done to her? I mean just think about how you felt when she died and how you feel right now. Claudia raised you and took care of you; she loved you like no one I have ever met loved another person. Johnny you dying would have destroyed her. Its okay for you to wish she was still here and alive with you. Its normal for you to want to take back the last words you said to her, but Johnny, she knew that you loved her. I never want you to think that it should have been you ever again."_

_Johnny was crying. He knew this but he couldn't stop, "She just wanted Sonny to love her. Claudia wanted Sonny to take care of her and make her feel safe. Instead he killed her; I know that it wasn't Sonny who swung that aw handle but if Sonny hadn't pushed her like her did, if he hadn't made her feel like shit every time he could then she would have been alright. But that's not what happened, and after she lost the baby it got worst, he told her over and over how he was glad that the baby died and that he was glad that she wasn't going to give birth to his kid. He hit her in the places that hurt her the most and he did it everyday. She would come crying to me about how he had verbally abused her and it would take me hours to clam her. When it was all done she would go back to Sonny's and I would beg her not to go. I asked her every time to stay with me, but she always went back, because she loved him. It was sick."_

"_I know what its like to lose someone you love. It hurts a lot, and you never really get over it. For a while the pain consumes you and you don't know how to live with it, so you lash out. I cried all the time when I lost Stone. I promise that it's not going to hurt like this forever, Johnny. One day you're going to realize that it doesn't hurt as much as it had before and a little more each day after that. You will never fully get over what happened but you will move on. Sometimes there are little things that spark memories or them and the pain comes back, but you don't have to let it consume you, Johnny, you can live your life."_

_With that Robin got up and moved to the door, "If you ever need to talk, I'm here to listen. I think that window lets you know where you can find me." Robin smiled at him and opened the door, she walked out and closed the door softly behind her and left him to deal with the grief all by himself._

_**End Flashback**_

Johnny shook his, Robin had been right. It doesn't hurt as much as it did all those years ago. Sometimes there is some thing that triggers a memory and he feels the pain, but never has it consumed him again.

He shook his head and sighed. There was something that he had to do, and even though it went against his better judgment he had to do it, for Robin. Johnny turned from the window and grabbed his keys form the table as he walked to the door.

It only took him three minutes to get to his destination and he quickly knocked before he chickened out and went back home. The door opened and there stood the reason he had come over in the first place: Jason Morgan.

"What do you want?" Jason asked as he looked Johnny up and down.

"I'm here to tell you something." When all Jason did was cross his arms and tilt his head a little he figured that it was his moment to proceed, "I know what its like to lose someone you love. It hurts a lot, and you never really get over it. For a while the pain consumes you and you don't know how to live with it, so you lash out." Johnny began repeating the words that Robin had said to him a long time ago, "But it will get easier. I don't know when and I don't know how, but one day it will be easier for you to deal with. I know this for personal experience." Johnny watched as Jason looked away, a look of anger on his face, but Johnny didn't care, he continued, "There will be times where something sparks a memory and it brings the pain and sadness back, but you don't have to be like this ever again, Jason. It will get better."

With that Johnny lifted his hand and placed it on Jason's shoulder, giving him a light squeeze before he turned around and walked down that hall. He knew that Robin would have been proud of him, and he also knew that that was exactly what Jason had needed to here.

_It will get better._

_Hurt less one day._

_Don't let it consume you._

**Done with Johnny!**

**Tell me what you thought. **


	8. Depression

**Depression**

Jason has been depressed for a month now. He didn't know if he would ever get over Robin's death, but he knew that he wasn't the only one hurting form this. Maxie was hurting in her own way. Spinelli misses her presence; Mac has pulled himself into a shell and buried himself in his work. It was sad here in Port Charles. Everyone was sad, mad, or angry. Everyone seemed to be going through all of the steps at there own pace, soon everyone will stop grieving, but Jason wasn't sure if he would. He wasn't sure at all.

Brenda had moved back to Rome after her death, saying that it was to upsetting to stay there in a place that reminded her so much of Robin. Anna and Robert haven't been seen of heard from since right after the funeral. Sam told him that Anna had said a very beautiful speech at the funeral after he left and that she was sad that he had missed it.

Jason wasn't. He didn't want to hear about everyone else's past memories with her, he wanted to think about how she was all his for the few years of they had together. He knew it was selfish to think this but it was true, no matter how many stories were told about Robin and anyone else, he would find away to tie it back to him. But the ones form Anna and Robert, they were hard to compare to his. Robin was their little girl, and Jason knew that they loved Robin on a level that no one would ever be able to touch, just like her Uncle Mac.

Many things became lost to him. Jason stopped doing everyday things, like brushing his hair, or getting it cut; excepting phone calls, paying bills, getting up out of bed and getting dressed. He just stopped doing it all.

_Eat? No._

_Laugh? Yeah right._

_Work? He didn't think so._

He didn't want to do anything anymore. Just getting out of bed has become a chore for him. Eating was getting harder and harder to do; he never knew when he was hungry. Laughing, he barely did that when Robin was a live, now he didn't find anything funny anymore. Not Sam, Spinelli, Maxie, no one. Jason stopped working for right now, he told Spinelli to tell Sonny that he need a little time alone, that was three weeks ago. Sonny had told him to take as much time as he wanted off, and that was what Jason planned to do, take all the time he needed.

The room has depressed him more and more each day. Her stuff is every where and when Carly asked if he were going to get rid of it, he had broken down and cried like a little baby, saying that he couldn't let her go.

Through all of this Spinelli has been right by his side, just like always. He has cleaned up after him and shooed away unwanted guests. He has been amazing; Jason felt a little bad because he didn't just have to take care of Jason, but Maxie too. Carly has been good through out most of this, they hadn't had another run in like before Robins funeral. And for that Jason's glad. Carly is the one that keeps making him get up and out of bed at least four times a week and when she's busy or otherwise entertained he goes right back up to his room to wallow in the loss of his love.

He knew Robin would be mad that he was doing this, but he couldn't make himself care enough to do something.

This is where he spent most of his days, in his dark and gloomy bedroom, filled with memories of Robin and a smell that has erupted from not taking a shower daily anymore. Spinelli would come in and sit with him sometimes; Jason hated to be alone anymore. Jason and Spinelli both have a little stubble around there chin from not shaving everyday.

That was how Jason's day goes, Spinelli sitting in the chair beside him talking about anything and everything. Sometimes they talk about the past, but it was hard to find any past memories without Robin in them. So Spinelli would tell him about the new menu at Kelly's or the grades Michael and Kristina have been getting. He would talk for hours about the P.I. business and how that had been going; about the cases they take on and who's cheating on whom. But always did he stay away from Robin, and Jason was thankful for that.

Jason didn't think he could cry any more, he would swear he used up all his tears, but even after he says that, he breaks out crying from another memory that has just popped up in side his head and he cries, sometimes it takes him forever to stop crying. He would cry all day long sometimes, just because he heard her laugh echo threw his memory, or he remembered one of his favorite memories with her.

That was another thing he cried about, was the fact that that was all her had left of her: memories. He never realized how much he would cherish them, he just kind of took them for granted when she was alive, but now that Robin's gone he understands that even if they spent everyday together and created so many memories you could barely count them, they would never be enough to satisfy the need to have her right next to him.

_Not enough._

_So few memories._

_Wish I had more._

Today was different though. It was a month ago that he buried Robin; that he had worked, took a phone call, and went out side. Today, Jason thought he would change it up and go out side.

He rolled out of bed and slowly made his way to the bathroom, door. It was there that he paused. Did he really want to do this? Jason looked at his memory and nodded, he was sure he should do this. Jason took a long and hot shower, got dressed and went to wake up Spinelli. It was Seven A.M. and Spinelli was burning day light.

"Spinelli, wake up!" Jason yelled through the door, "We got some place to be."

He stood there for another moment until he heard the bed move and the dresser drawers open and close. He went down stairs and sat on the couch waiting for the Jackal to come down stairs to take him to wear it was that he wanted to go. Jason didn't have to wait long, Spinelli came running down the stairs in a hurry that only he could have.

"Where to, Stonecold?"

"Let's go to the docs."

"Are you driving?" Spinelli looked scared for a second and if it were two months ago, Jason would have smiled at him, but it wasn't.

Jason shook his head no and handed him the keys, "I don't think I should drive just yet."

And that was where they went. Jason and the younger man beside him didn't say anything on the ride. Jason could tell he was trying to figure out why now, was he really ready for this? Jason was barely sure of those answers himself but he felt that it was time to do something.

So that was where they ended up. Sitting on the bench that they had the day that Jason was told that Robin was dead. Jason felt the same way that he did there on that day: hollow.

"Why are we here, Stonecold?" Spinelli asked tentatively.

Jason didn't answer; he just looked out of the water and watched as the sun went down. Spinelli didn't say anything for a long time; he just sat there with him and took it all in, knowing that Jason needed this.

"I miss her." Jason said, after what seemed like hours, his voice breaking.

"I know, so do I." was the only thing that Spinelli said as they both looked out over the water.

**What did you think?**

**Not sure how it turned out.**

**Let me no though by leaving a review.**


	9. Mac and Maxie

**Mac/Maxie**

**Flashback**

_Mac woke up to an incessant knocking on the door. He wasn't sure who it was but whoever it was was about the get a piece of his mind._

_Grabbing a pair of jeans he pulled them on and ran his fingers threw his hair on the way down to the door._

_The banging continued until his head was about to explode; he ripped the door open and was face to face with Maxie. His irritation dissolved into shock at the look on her face. _

"_Max, what happened?" He stepped aside so she could walk in._

_Maxie stomped into the house, her hands balled into fists, and she looked like she had just gotten done crying. The tear tracks running down her face where enough to tell him that she had probably just whipped them off before she even got out of the car. _

_This was just like her; trying to be strong and not let anyone know that she was hurt and upset. That there was anything bothering her; but you could tell, it didn't take a genus._

"_There is something I have to tell you, but I'm not sure how, or if I even should."_

_**End Flashback**_

"You alright?"

"Huh? Yeah, just a little distracted," Maxie said quickly as Mac continued to look at her for any sign that she might be lying.

Mac left the room to go get a glass of water and from where she was sitting on the couch and where he was in the kitchen he could still keep an eye on her.

She looked scared, not sure. And that was very unlike the Maxie he had known all of his life. As he poured the water he pondered what to say to her. When he came up with nothing he decided to just let the chips fall where they may. Grabbing the glass of water he went back into the living room and handed the glass.

They were quiet for a long moment and the tension in the air continued to grow. The more nervous Maxie the more scared he was of finding out why she had come over today, out of the blue.

Mac looked over at Maxie again, she had that look that she wanted to tell him something, she just didn't know how. Robin would know what to do if she were here. She always did. There were things only she could get out of Maxie and he missed her at the moment. That was a lie; he missed her all the time. He was hollow, but he couldn't give himself the satisfaction of curling up into a ball and crying all day like Jason. He was the Police Commissionaire and Jason was a mob enforcer. There was a big difference and tone of them was that they had to be strong.

Although, Jason was strong in Mac's eyes, he could still be held up in his penthouse all alone and drowning in his sorrows. Just the other day Jason had stopped by to see how things were. It was awkward at first but it gradually got better. They talked for a little while and they were civil with each other this time. Jason and him didn't argue and fight like they normally did. This time they talked and even though they didn't have much of a conversation it felt nice to be able to talk to him.

The weird part about the whole conversation with Jason was that it felt right. That he was doing the right thing or something. But he couldn't be one hundred percent sure at the moment. A lot of things had happened; them calling a truce right now might just be a passing fling. Nothing lasts forever, if anything, Robin's death taught us that.

Mac knew that no one could live forever, but he just didn't want to have to bury another person close to him. That he loved. Another person that was never coming back and could never be replaced; and there was another hole in his heart that would never be fully healed; it would be tainted forever and there was nothing that he or anyone could do about it.

Maxie sighed again. Mac knew that she was upset and that she was trying to deal with the whole death in her own way. And he wanted to help her, in anyway that he could but she just wasn't making it easy on him. She wouldn't open up and if he knew he pushed her at the wrong time or asked the wrong thing that she would go off. That was how she was, like a bomb just ticking and ready to explode. He had to be gentle with her.

He glanced at Maxie again and wondered what could be wrong with her.

Maxie had been upset for a while now; the only person taking this the hardest is Jason, and there was no way that Maxie could compare to that, but she was up set and no one knows why, she cried all the time and in her sleep she sometimes said that it was her fault. Mac didn't know what that meant so he tried to cheer her up some other way so that she knew that he was still there for her, but no matter what he did, it was never really enough.

Maxie on the other hand was ready to burst; she had to tell someone what she knew or she would go insane with the secret that she had been hiding all these months. Then again, it wasn't her call to tell anyone. It wasn't HER secret and she hates it when people put her business out into the world or go blabbing their mouths to people. But Robin was dead and she would understand.

'Right?' Maxie wasn't so sure anymore.

Maxie couldn't take it anymore. She had to tell someone and why not Mac; he was like her father after all, he might be able to help her; maybe even understand where she is coming for on this.

She shook her head and put her head in her hands, "Mac, I have to tell you something."

_He's going to kill me._

_It's all my fault._

_I should have done something._

This is what stopped him in his tracks; he sat next to her on the couch in his house and took a hold of her hand. "What is it, sweet heart?"

"I-I knew that there was something wrong with Robin. I never did anything because she told me not to tell anyone and that it wasn't a big deal. I really thought that everything would be okay, you know? That some way she would get better; Robin never told me what was wrong with her, but I caught her talking to Patrick once and it seemed that she was upset and I went over and asked what was wrong and they brushed it off. Well Robin did, but you could tell that Patrick wanted to say something."

Maxie was crying now and Mac put his arm around her and began to rub her shoulder. He had tears himself knowing that she wouldn't lie about something like that; he just wondered why she never said anything to him about it before.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I wasn't allowed, she made me promise and after she-she, well I didn't know how you would feel about it so I didn't tell you. I never wanted you to be mad at me."

"Oh," he pulled her closer to him as she began to cry even harder, "I could never be mad at you."

"Oh my god, how am I going to tell Jason, he's gonna kill me. He's going to take his gun out and shoot me. No that's too nice, he's going to torture me until I'm begging for death, I can just feel it. What do I do, Mac, I don't know what to do."

Maxie got up and began to pace the space from the couch to the door. Mac got up and grabbed a hold of her arms, "Max, there is nothing you can do know. Either you tell him or you don't. It's your choice."

"Do you think that I should tell him?"

Mac looked away from her, and released her arms. "I think you should do what you want to do. It's not my call; but wouldn't you want to know something if it were Spinelli who died?"

"Well, when you put it like that, I don't have much of a choice now do I?"

"I guess not," Mac laughed a little. Maxie noticed that laughter never really seemed to reach his eyes anymore.

"I miss her so much." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. She did this as a comfort strategy. Robin had told her that when she was upset of feeling alone or uncomfortable she would rock back and forth.

"I miss her too, and so does over half of Port Charles. There is nothing we can do about the past, Maxie, we can change what did or didn't happen. We just have to move on with our lives and hope that one day it gets better. And right now, if you think that for you to be able to move on is for you to tell Jason what you know then go a head. He might be mad, but not at you. I think that he would be madder at Patrick then anyone."

"Except, maybe himself," Maxie whispered as she locked eyes with Mac.

That that moment they both understood how Jason must be feeling. It made them sad and a little bit numb to e honest.

_To feel like it's your fault._

_You could have stopped it._

_If only you had known,_

"Yeah," Mac agreed, "Except himself."

**Kay, so I'm stopping here, because it feels like a suitable place to. I will elaborate more on what happens with Jason and Maxie later. I just wanted to get how Mac and Maxie were feeling and their thoughts.**

**Also I HAD to throw in the twist there; I mean it wouldn't be a Soap Story if there wasn't more drama.**

**Tell me what you think…**


	10. Patrick and Spinelli

**Patrick/Spinelli**

_What should I do?_

_This cant be good._

_What if he kills me?_

Patrick paced back and forth in front of Jason's penthouse; he had no clue to tell Jason that he had known that Robin was sick all this time and didn't tell him.

He was scared to say the least. Patrick heard stories about how he has killed for less and how it would be easy for him to dump the body. For the thousandth time he wished that he had told someone where he was and what he was doing.

Instead he stood at the very door of the one person who will kill him and get away with it; that was Jason Morgan, Mob Enforcer, does; he kills people and leaves no trace of evidence behind for any one to catch him.

Patrick sighed; how was he going to muster up the courage to tell the raging bull the secret that he had known for about seven months? He looked at the door and took a deep breath; it was now or never.

He knocked.

There was no answer for a while and for a moment Patrick thought that maybe he wasn't home; but right when he was turning the door slid open and revealed Jason Morgan. Or what was left of him; he looked awful, he had bags under his eyes, lost weight, and his hair was a mess. He hadn't shaved in a few days and when he looked into his eyes Patrick saw that they were blood shot.

For a moment he wondered if he had the wrong guy; if maybe by chance he was at a different apartment, waiting on a different Jason. But it was him.

"What do you want?" Jason growled at him.

"I came here to talk to you about Robin," Patrick didn't meet his eye; he couldn't meet his eye, so he kept his head down and focused on his shoes.

"What about her?"

"Well, I would feel better if we," he looked around the hall then back to Jason's penetrating gaze, "We talked inside so that no one can hear us."

Jason studied him for a long moment, as if contemplating whether or not to talk to him or go back to whatever it was that he had been doing; after what seemed like a minute Jason moved aside and let him in.

The penthouse was trashed; junk was everywhere, there were no lights on, and it had a weird odder. He cleared his throat and wondered if Jason would day something about the mess, but as always he got nothing but a stare.

'No wonder why Spinelli calls him Stone Cold,' he thought to himself as he moved to stand a little farther away from the dangerous man that could snap his neck if he wanted to.

"Stop fidgeting and tell me what you have to say."

"It was about a month ago and I heard from Robin. She told me that she hadn't been feeling well, not in the HIV way and so," Patrick looked away from him and cleared his throat, "I, um, I ran some tests to see if there was a problem and-and." Patrick couldn't finish his sentence. His mind wandered:

_**Flashback**_

_This couldn't be the lab results. They just couldn't be. Patrick looked up and sighed this was going to be difficult. He slowly began to walk towards the room that Robin was patently waiting in._

_Before he opened the door he took a moment to look at her. She was beautiful; always had been and always will be. She always had this certain gleam in her eye that told you that no matter how her day was going she was happy. When she talked to her patents she gave them warm and inviting smiles; when she was in deep conversation with a friend or family member, it was hard to pull her away. She cared for everyone; she had so much love in her heart._

_And that was what broke Patrick's heart: he was the one to go into that room and tell a dying woman that she was about to get the gift that she had longed for ever sense he had met her._

_What was he to say? _

_How should he say it?_

_When should he say it?_

_With a sigh Patrick opened the door to the room and walked in. he closed the door behind him and looked right into the charcoal black eyes or Robin Scorpio, the best person he had ever met._

"_I got the test results back." He started, feebly._

_Robin nodded and smiled, "I think I can take it."_

_Patrick faked smiled at her and scratched the back of his head. "Um, the results say that," he could finish the sentence._

_There was an awkward silence between them and when he didn't say anything else after that Robin got worried but tried to hide it, "What is it Doc? Am I about to die today?" Robin half laughed, but the fear in her eyes never left._

_He shook his head at her and sat in the chair across from where she was sitting. He tried to focus; he was a doctor for crying out loud. _

"_Come on Patrick, your scaring me."_

"_Robin, the test results say that you're pregnant." _

_Robin sat there in silence for a few minutes staring at him like he had sprouted a second head. Then her eyes glistened with unshed tears and she placed her hand on her stomach as she repeated: "Pregnant?" A little smile lit her face and a tear rolled down her cheek._

_Patrick didn't want to ruin the moment for her but she had to be serious right now, "Robin, you know how sick you are. And that can lead to a lot of complications with the baby: miscarriage the main thing to be worried about. And what if you do have the baby before you die? What then, you're just gonna dump him or her on Jason, the Stone Cold Killer. What about the other problem where the baby does survive and continues to grow inside you and you die, what then?"_

"_I know! Okay, I know all of this. But, all my life I have been told that there was no possible way that I could ever get pregnant, that if I did then the baby would be affected also. So I never thought that I would ever carry a baby. Then you come in and tell me that I am about to get the best gift that I could ever receive and you ruin it by pointing out all of the down falls." She stood before him with tears running down her cheeks, she looked broken hearted and Patrick had the feeling that it wouldn't go away anytime soon._

"_Robin, I-"_

"_NO! This was MY moment and you ruined it," she jabbed her finger at him; "You really are a heartless weenie aren't you? I was happy for a brief second there and you just had to take that from me didn't you?" She made to walk away from him and out the door but he grabbed her arm ready to make her listen to him, but she pulled back and slapped him across the face. "You touch me again and I'll have someone kill you."_

_He watched as Robin walked away from him and towards the elevator that was down the hall. Many people noticed that she was upset and looked at him for answers but he just shrugged and rubbed his cheek. He knew that she meant it when she said that she would have someone kill him, he could see it in her eyes. _

_He had done it, he had taken the glimmer of happiness that was always there right out of her eyes and he felt like shit._

_**End Flashback**_

Spinelli sat at the top of the stairs and listened as Patrick talked about him latter finding out that Robin had had a miscarriage and that she had never forgiven Patrick for what he had said to her. And if Spinelli was being honest he wouldn't have either.

_How could he do that?_

_What kind of person did that?_

_What in his right mind was he thinking?_

Then it slowly sunk it to him: Robin had been pregnant. She had had a baby inside her that was her own. She would have been a mother. Spinelli smiled at that; she would have been a great mother, nothing would have mattered more to her then that baby. He hoped she would have had a girl; there were too many boys in this town.

Spinelli was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of a sudden crashing noise; not waiting to hear what it was he ran down the stair to see Stone Cold chocking the life out of Patrick.

He was stunned still for a second before he moved and grabbed Jason's shoulder, "Stone Cold, he's not worth it. Let him go!" The grip on the young doctor grew more firm and Patrick lost consciousness. "If you don't let him go he will die, and what if the young doctor told someone that he came over here to speak to you and he goes missing, what then? You will go to prison, you want that Jason?"

He could feel the tension in his shoulders ease a little and Spinelli kept talking to him. Finally after about two more minutes Jason had let go of Patrick and stood up.

"So much for the coffee table," Spinelli laughed at that, the first joke that Jason had told in a long time. But he could sense that there was something deeper in that statement and put his hand on Jason's shoulder.

"She never liked it anyways, said that it clashed with the furniture. She-she always said that the one in storage would look better her anyways. Perhaps this would be as good a time as any to make that wish come true?"

Jason nodded his head slowly after a moment, "Yeah, you're right. She did always like the one in storage better."

"Stone Cold, would you like to get out of here?" Spinelli asked after there was a long moment of silence.

Jason looked at him and nodded again as he gabbed his coat that was on the couch and walked towards the door. Spinelli followed after a moment of looking back of the doctor that was sprawled out on the floor completely passed out. He shook his head, what an idiot.

How did he expect Jason to react to the news, like it was fine and dandy? Yeah right. This was Jason the most temper mental person in all of Port Charles. To come here and deliver that kind of news took guts he gave the doctor that and he understood that Jason had a right to know, but did he have to pick such a bad timing? He couldn't have waited a month or so?

Spinelli walked towards that car and saw Jason already seated in the passenger seat, this had become a routine for them; whenever Jason was upset they would get in the car and go down to the docs.

Spinelli had once caught him on a bridge one time with Sonny. They both looked like they were thinking about jumping so he had run to them, yelling that life was too precious to kill themselves and that Robin wouldn't have wanted that to have happened, but they said that they weren't not going to jump. Instead it was just the opposite, they had come there to remember Robin and feel closer to her some how. They had told him stories of their time there with Robin and described the bear that she always had. It had come from Stone, a man that they both assumed that she was with now.

They drove mostly in silence and when they parked by the docs they went to the bench that they always sat on and just sat there.

Spinelli couldn't help but let his mind wander again to why she didn't tell anyone. Robin was one of his closest friends and he told her everything and she couldn't have told him that she herself was dying. It brought tears to his eyes to think about how he would never see her again; never watch cheesy black and white films with her; never get her to read a book that she could barley understand, but she would read it none the less; never get to see her smile as she walks out of the bathroom telling him that they were out of hot water; never see her light up the room; see her and Stone Cold have their little moments.

He missed her so much, he felt like a part of him was missing along with her, but he couldn't let him get pulled into the grief like Jason and Maxie. He had to be strong for them like they had been for him so many times. He knew that Robin would have wanted it.

But it still didn't stop the pain of the absence that he feels with out her presence in the penthouse. Everyone was moving on with their lives except of Maxie, Sonny, and Brenda.

Poor Brenda, she had ran away right after the funeral, not saying goodbye to anyone just leaving a note that said that she needed time to heal, that with out Robin she didn't feel whole anymore; so she left trying to figure out what she should do and when or if she was every going to be coming back to PC.

The one person that was taking it the hardest of all was Jason. He could barely pull himself out of bed and seeing Jason like this was the saddest and most heart wrenching thing that he had ever seen.

"Spinelli," The sound of Jason's voice brought him out of his thoughts. He looked over and saw that Jason was still looking at the water. "I was about to be a father and I didn't even know; she didn't even tell me she was dying and I should be mad at her, I should be furious that she had never told me either of those things, but maybe she was just trying to spare my pain, trying to make it less by not telling me of all the things that we could have had. And I have been thinking that if we did have a baby, Robin and I, if we did have one I would have wanted you to be there Godfather. And the reason I'm telling you thins is because I just wanted you to know that without you, I probably wouldn't have been able to have pulled myself together." Spinelli smiled thinking that that was the only thing that Jason would say but he was surprised when he continued to speak:

"Robin was always right about you, she said that you would be a loyal friend and you were she said that whenever I needed you that you would be there to help me. She used to say that she had never met someone with a heart as big as yours. But then she couldn't meet herself so, you come a very close second." Spinelli and Jason both smiled at that, knowing that it was a compliment no matter how it was delivered, "You're my best friend, Spinelli. Always had my back and did whatever I asked of you even if I yelled or said it in a mean fashion. You were always there; even thru the dark, lonely, long months you were here."

They were silent again for a moment when he saw Jason look at him from the corner of his eye. He turned and looked at the man with a confused look and that was when Jason said: "thank you, Spinelli, for everything."

Spinelli didn't know what to say, that was the best thing that Jason ever said to him and to here the compliments that Robin used to say about him also what just the icing on the cake. He smiled big at Jason and gave him a quick hug. When he pulled back he looked right in to Jason's eyes and said "There is no thanks needed Stone Cold; that's what friends are for. And you would have done the same for me."

**Well? What did you think?**

**Tell me if you liked my twist or not? **

**I might elaborate on how Jason felt in the next chapter, but first you have to let me know what you thought. **


	11. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

Jason sat sitting in the grass in front of Robin's grave going over everything that had happened in the past month. He learned that Robin died, that she had been sick for a while, he tried to keep the pain away with boos and Alcohol, he yelled at Carly, had a heart to freaking heart with Johnny, and had to bury the love of his life.

_Yeah, sure things will be different._

_The pain will just go away._

_He'll stop missing her in time._

Jason shook his head. He felt like no one knew what it was that he was feeling at this moment in his life and the only person who would was dead.

He didn't come here to think about that, or the things that he missed about her. Instead he came here to say goodbye. Or at least try to. Jason knew that he would never get over Robin. His entire heart belonged to her and for the rest of his life he would never be able to look at another woman like he did her.

Spinelli was waiting for him and he had tried to make his quick but sitting here in front of her grace stone made this all the more real and he was sure if he would do it.

_Just forget about her._

_Move on without her._

_Pretend he's just fine._

An old memory came to him; it was of him and Robin breaking up before she went off to Paris. He didn't even know he still had this memory with him, but as the shock wore off the tears started to come"

"_You know I only came here one time while you were gone and I stood up on the wall and I tried to imagine so hard that you were with me, but all I could feel was that ache inside me. And I didn't want to close my eyes because I knew when I opened them there'd be nothing but dark. So I went to Jake's and got in a fight." _

_Both snick at that, "Which didn't make it better, but I learned something." Tears were welling up in their eyes, "I'm ok without you. I hate it, but I'd hate it worse if I was hurting you or keeping you from your life. Robin, I want you to go. I want you to go to Paris. I want you to be happy and not worry about me."_

_Trying to smile, Robin said, "That's the plan. Stand on a bridge over the Seine; look up at the historic buildings. Forget about this bridge, your face, and how it feels to love you. Think I can do that or you just think I'm lying to myself?"_

_Jason thought about this for a moment until he found a suitable answer, "I think if you stayed you'd be lying to yourself or pretending, which is the same thing. Brenda does it, she says she's happy but you know she's not. You can tell. Sonny knows it. It makes him crazy. He can't say anything because, what's there left to say? I mean, that's the only way they can be together. I don't want that for you, Robin. I don't want you to be afraid of me getting shot or you getting shot yourself and I don't want to do what Sonny did, walk out of Luke's and watch you die."_

_After a moment Jason continued to make his point, "Now, I couldn't stop you if you wanted to stay. It's not up to me what you do with your life, but I'm kinda glad that's not what you want either because your future is so important to you and you should have it."_

_Robin had tears streaming down her face, but she cleared her throat and began to talk again. "I will and I believe you will too. Jason, you know what faith is right?"_

"_Not really. I mean, trusting what isn't there."_

"_That's it exactly. It's beyond trust. Faith is trust mixed with hope. Trusting something you've never seen. I have faith in your future, maybe neither one of us can see it right now, but it's going to happen. Whatever it is, I'll love you."_

Jason's chest tightened at the memory, he couldn't remember the last time her thought of that painful memory or how it had made him feel. He didn't have that long of a time to ponder that because he saw another memory flash right before his eyes, they were on the bridge again. It was after she came back from Paris and they couldn't stop thinking about the other:

"_I wished that things were different." She whispered as she turned around to face the water._

_Jason looks at her as she looks out at the water, "Does the ache ever go away?"_

"_I thought it would, but running doesn't help. Neither does being here. God, it makes me so angry sometimes and then I feel guilty for the anger and ..." Jason could tell that she was getting frustrated as she sighed as shook her head, "I mean, why can't I just be happy with what we had." She turned and looked at Jason, "But I can't help it, you know? Sometimes all I can think about now is what we don't have anymore. Sometimes all I can think about is this."_

_Robin puts her hands around his neck and kisses him passionately; it was a hot kiss, a kiss that he could never have with anyone else. All of the pent up emotion that they had been feeling all of the feelings that they had been trying to deny fell into that one kiss. Robin pulled away and without looking back she walked away into the darkness. Jason stands there and looks after her longingly._

Jason wished things were different too. He wished that Robin was at the Pent House waiting for him to come home, instead of being inside the ground beneath him. He wished that is whole month as just a dream and when he went to bed tonight his arms would be wrapped tightly around Robins small frame and he would bury his nose inside her hair and just breath her in all night long.

As he stood he cast one last glace at the tombstone. He knew this wouldn't be the last time he came the grave to visit her. But that was not the reason for him coming here in the first place. He was here to let her know, like he did all those years ago, that he will always, ALWAYS, love her, but her can live without her. Even on the days where he wishes she will come back, or their anniversary, the day Robin died, he will just have to pick himself up again and continue on with the life he was meant to live.

_Just like Robin wanted him to._

_Just like everyone wants him to._

_Just like he, himself, wants to._

Jason turned and made his way back toward the car where Spinelli was waiting. This visit didn't take as long as he thought it would, but then again, it was Robin they were talking about, with her, he never really had to form that much words to get out what he was trying to say, and sitting by her grave in silence for about a half hour, Jason would think he got the point across.

As he took the steps that would carry him off towards the rest of his life, a life without Robin by his side, but forever in his heart, he remembered some of his favorite memories:

"_This night last year, you were in Paris. I rode my bike out to the bridge. I didn't even get off my bike. I just sat there and looked at the place where I last kissed you. I never thought I would have you again. I thought that you were gone forever." The thought of not ever seeing her again, being with her again, made him ache._

_She cleared her throat and looked at him, "That same night, I was out looking at the water, thinking about Montauk and how you changed my life. This afternoon, I told Mac that you taught me how to love, and you did. I mean, you taught me how to love the way that you do- with your whole heart."_

"_I didn't even know I loved you in Montauk." Robin looked surprised but he continued on before she could say anything, "No, hold on. I didn't even know what love meant. I mean, I knew that you were beautiful and that when I was with you, I never felt stupid or damaged. I knew you were sad because you loved Stone. And I thought it must be the best thing anyone could ever feel to be loved by you. And then you said I was in your heart. Not second to Stone, but separate. That's the moment I loved you. You taught me how."_

_Compromising, Robin said, "We taught each other how."_

_After a moment Jason smiled a little, "You want your present or what?"_

"_I get a present, too?"_

"_Well, yeah, see, I never really gave you anything except for that necklace two years ago for Christmas. But you never tell me what you want, so I don't know what I should get- except for, like, this chocolate cake or flowers." Jason stood up and that brought Robin to stand also._

"_I love chocolate cake and flowers."_

_Jason was feeling a little nervous, not that he would let it show, but as he began to talk he couldn't help but wonder that she might not like the gift, "Well, Stone gave you a ring that you never take off. And I thought you might like one from me, too." Jason pulls a ring out of his pocket and gives it to Robin; it was a wide gold band with a diamond in the center. _

"_Wow. It's- it's beautiful." She finally breathed out after a moment of looking at it._

"_As long as you like it," Jason said with a shrug of his shoulders._

_Robin looked up at him, "I love it. I love you." She leaned up and she kissed him, she pulled herself up and sat on the table with Jason standing before her. "Will you put it on for me?" _

"_Which finger?" He asked after he took the ring from her. _

_Looking at her hand Robin decided, "Uh- this one." Robin took off Stone's ring from her left-hand ring finger and she looked up at Jason, "I'll always keep it to remind me of Stone, but the most important thing to him was that I was happy, and I am."_

"_Here you go." He said as he slipped the ring onto her slender finger._

"_I love you." Robin said as she looked up into his eyes and smiled her mega-watt smile that was mostly just for him._

_Jason leaned down and kissed her, leaning her back onto the table as they continue to kiss._

As Jason hopped into the car another memory came forward, but this time it wasn't a full memory as if he was watching all unfold again, instead this was like an echo thru his head.

"_I'll love Robin forever; she taught me how to love. Everything good I ever felt was because of her."_

"Stonecold, is everything taken care of?" Spinelli asked as he started the car.

"Jason looked out the passenger side window and saw the sun setting. The colors were orange, red and pink. The same colors Robin used to love watching every night. A shooting star shined brightly as it flew across the sky. Jason didn't know he knew, but in his heart he knew that it was Robin's way of letting him know that everything was going to be okay. It was her way of saying that she wants him to live his life.

_Now he can accept what happed._

_Accept it and move on._

_Acceptance._

**Well, everyone who stuck thru and continued to wait it out for this last chapter, here it is. I hope that you all enjoyed the story, and I hope you take up reading one of my others that I am in the middle of or have finished with.**

**Drop me a love note by clicking the review button.**

**Brokenrussiancrawl.**


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